Day 127

Yeahhhhh- I’m going to be honest…Today was a horrible day πŸ˜‘. Partially ruptured my ankle ligaments (and hurt my knee, but still waiting to see what is wrong) after falling down some stairs. After a 24 hour bug running through my family yesterday, trying to move house today, and prepping for vacation tomorrow, this was the last thing I needed. Not to even mention the physical pain. I have to travel to a whole other country because they are referring me to an orthopedic specialist to consider surgery. Crazy right? Instantly, dreams of rest, relief, rejuvenation flew out the window. Instantly, anger, frustration, and discouragement swelled up. How could God let this happen? Why today? Why now? 
As I lay motionless in the double MRI today I closed my eyes. All I could do was think. Tears had already poured out and I was empty for now. The thinking turned to praying.

I realized I have a choice- how will I respond when life gets really shitty? My answer is this: I’m going to be honest, but not turn my back. My hope is not in myself, my goals, my family, or my expectations. My hope is in the solidness of Jesus. 

The truth? I am really angry and I’ve told God. I am really disappointed. I am really frustrated. I am really discouraged. And at the same time, this honesty lets me let go of all those things. I don’t have to bottle those feelings in or let them weigh me down with heaviness. God isn’t scared by these emotions. 
So here I am, out of tears for now, sitting on my bed, realizing I am at a fork in the road. I can become bitter, or I can be open about my emotions and be open to something else God has in store for me the next couple weeks. I choose the latter. #dailyrayminders #day127 

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